The Trip From Hell
by gawilliams
Summary: Esposito and Ryan are caught in a compromising position durign a trip to a convention.  Not slash.
1. Chapter 1

_Thank you for the great response for my first attempt at a non-crossover Castle story, _The Guy's Night Out_. This one is pure humor, and it will be several chapters with this one being the intro. I hope you enjoy it. As a side note, it is _**not**_ slash. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Esposito woke with a start, not quite knowing where he was. That wasn't the disturbing part, though. What was was the fact that there was a warm body curled against his back and an arm over his stomach, which he was holding firmly in place. Then he realized something. It was a guy! Oh shit! He shifted a bit, not wanting to beat the Hell out of someone if he could help it, but then he heard something that made him want to lose every meal hea'd ever had.

"Don't leave, Baby, it's too early to get out of bed," came the sleepy voice of his best friend and work partner, Kevin Ryan!

"What the Hell is going on?" he hissed, so sickened by the whole thing that he wanted nothing more than to rush to the can and hurl.

"That's what we'd like to know," a third voice rang out.

Esposito knew that voice and cringed. He got even more disturbed when Ryan didn't even wake up, but instead cuddled even closer. Opening his eyes he glanced to the foot of the bed. Yep. There was Beckett, and beside her, as always, was Castle. What was worse, though, was that Captain Montgomery was right there with them, a look of shock, and a bit of nausea on his face. Then he felt something poking into the small of his back and he lost it.

"Shit!" he shouted as he jumped out of the bed in his boxer shorts. "What the Hell is the matter with you!" he exclaimed to the now waking Ryan. He left off this customary "Bro" as he wasn't feeling too brotherly towards his former best friend right then.

"What?" Ryan asked, sitting up in the bed, looking around with bleary eyes.

"I think Esposito wants to know why you were cuddled in tight against his back and being all loving with him and calling him Baby," Castle answered the question, his amusement clear in his eyes.

"Anything you two want to come out of the closet about?" Montgomery added, deciding to get in on the humor of it all.

Ryan now looked a bit green around the gills. "I what?" he asked, praying that this was just a sick joke his friends were playing on him.

"And shoved your morning wood right in my back," Esposito growled angrily. "And there is no closet to come out of!" He sent up a prayer that no one in his family ever hears about this or he'd have a real nightmare on his hands.

"Just what are you guys doing in **_this_** closet?" Castle asked, taking in the very cramped surroundings, and the lone double bed in the room. Beckett and Montgomery laughed at the humor of it all.

"Ask _**Cuddles**_ over there," Esposito said in a rather peeved tone of voice. This trip to the convention had turned into the trip from Hell! He was so upset that he didn't even notice the fact that he was still only in his boxer shorts.

"Yes, do tell..., _**Cuddles**_," Beckett chuckled, the twinkle in her eyes a dead giveaway that she was finding this absolutely hilarious and would be able to blackmail these two for years.

"Ooh, this will be perfect for the next Nikki Heat novel," Castle said excitedly as he took out a small notepad and pen.

"I am going to kill you," Esposito glared fiercely at Ryan.

Ryan just groaned and began to try and dig his way out of this nightmare.

_A/N: There's the set up, and what follows is what happens that got us here. I hope to have another chapter posted before the Christmas. Gregg._


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter to this one. I am working on a couple of further chapters to this one, so it is going to have some substance soon. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

_**Three Days Prior**_

"Hey, I got an idea," Ryan told his best friend, Esposito.

Esposito looked up from his paperwork, glanced around to make sure Beckett wasn't around, and then turned to his friend. "What's up?" he asked.

"I've been doing some checking and we can get a primo room, a mini suite, for almost nothing, at the convention," Ryan said conspiratorially. "It has a lounge area, two bedroom, and a balcony with a hot tub. Think of it! There's always some hot ladies at these conventions who are looking for a great time. Now how much of a mood killer will it be if we are sharing a suite with Castle and Beckett?"

Esposito thought about that one. They were all going to a Police Convention that was being held in Boston. Even Captain Montgomery was going. Castle, magnanimously, had arranged a Penthouse suite and invited everyone to stay there with him. Beckett and Montgomery had agreed right away, and Esposito and Ryan had also agreed. Now Ryan had come up with a rather interesting idea. They both had been to conventions before, and had hooked up with some fine single, female officers who attended. Sharing a suite with others would not be conducive to having some fun. A suite for the two of them with separate bedrooms was a very good alternative.

"How much?" he asked.

"Because of the convention and the discounts and all, it'll be $400 apiece," Ryan said with excitement showing in his eyes.

Esposito nodded. "Sounds good," he replied. "Set it up."

"Set what up?" Castle asked as he and Beckett came up to them. He had taken Beckett to lunch, as usual, and now that they were involved after the nightmare that had been created with his trip to the Hamptons and her becoming involved with Josh, he had been able to indulge in a minor make out session in the private booth at the restaurant. He was still really stoked about being invited to go to the convention.

Esposito smiled and clapped Ryan on the shoulder. "My Man here has arranged a mini-suite for the two of us," he announced. "We figure we'll have a better chance with the honeys if we have our own digs."

Beckett glared in mock exasperation. "Is that all you men think about? Scoring with any female that comes along?" she asked. She thought it was pretty funny, actually, but couldn't resist giving them shit about it. She wouldn't be a bit surprised if they had no clue, like most men didn't, that women loved sex and the hunt involved, just as much as guys. It made guilting them a whole lot easier, and a whole lot more fun.

"Well, yes," Ryan said without any hesitation. If it made him a lech, then so be it. His love life was pretty pathetic, so some ribbing was acceptable.

"We are guys, Beckett, and since we don't have the disgusting amount of money that someone in this room has, we are more than willing to do anything it takes to get what small crumbs are left," Esposito answered. He knew what she was trying to do, but wasn't going to bite.

"I hope that anything doesn't include anything illegal," Montgomery said as he walked by, catching the tail end of the conversation.

"No way, Cap," Ryan assured him. "Everything legal and above board. We have our sights set on the single female cops at the convention."

"So you won't be needing the third bedroom in the suite I booked?" Castle asked.

"Nope," Esposito said with a wide smile. He liked Castle a lot, but he also felt a bit uncomfortable at times accepting the mans lavish generosity. The man was a great writer, and earned his money, but Esposito worked his ass off for a city paycheck. He had a good life, but that lavish spending that Castle was able to indulge in reminded him that he himself lived paycheck to paycheck and of what he didn't have. Being able to put out some money and have a great trip in a great room without Castle's help made him feel just a bit better.

"We're covered," Ryan nodded. He himself was thinking of all the fun that would be had at the convention.

"Well, I for one am going to enjoy your hospitality, Castle," Montgomery announced. He had been looking forward to this. He'd been on plenty of work related trips and the accommodations generally sucked. A chance at staying in a penthouse suite was too good a chance to pass up. His wife would kill him for not taking her along, too, but he would make it up to her with a nice vacation. He looked at his watch. "Okay, people, we have work to do. You can organize your fun time later," he told them as he went back to his office.

Ryan put the finishing touches on the reservation and clicked off the website of the hotel. He turned to Esposito and grinned. "All set!" he said excitedly.

"Awesome, Bro!" Esposito smiled as he turned back to his computer and began working on the paperwork backlog again.

_**That Night**_

Esposito call Ryan when he finished packing. They were leaving for Boston the next morning, so he wanted to make sure that Ryan was ready.

"_Hey man, what's going on_?" Ryan asked.

"Just wanted to make sure you were ready," Esposito said, taking a seat and opening a beer. "How much money you bringing?"

"_Plastic, my Man, plastic_," Ryan said proudly. "_I just got my new platinum card and it's been calling to me to break it in_."

"You're nuts, Bro," Esposito chuckled, though he knew that Ryan was really good about money. He himself had one credit card, which was for genuine emergencies, and one Visa debit card that he used to manage his money.

"_But a platinum card will impress the ladies_," Ryan joked around.

"Now you got this honey of a deal all set, right?" Esposito asked. The last thing he wanted to do was to have to go to Castle on his hands and knees and beg to get back in the penthouse suite. Talk about humiliating considering what that man considered a good joke. He was a riot unless the shoe was on the other foot.

"_I reserved the suite online, Man_," Ryan assured him. "_It's smooth sailing from here on_."

"It better be," Esposito warned good humoredly. He knew he could count on Ryan. The man was great when it came crunch time.

"_You worry too much, Man,_" Ryan shot back with a laugh. "_See ya in the mornin_'"

"Night, Bro," Esposito said as he snapped shut his cell phone and went to bed. All the fun with the Honey's at the convention made for some damn nice dreams that night.

Over at Castle's apartment he and Beckett were enjoying a movie before heading to bed. They'd only been together a short while since they had finally sat down and talked once she broke it off with Josh, and while they enjoyed a good sex life together, they didn't spend more than two or three nights together a week. At this point personal space was extremely important. The mistakes of the past were a bit fresh to jump right in and basically live together.

"I can't believe that those two are basically using this convention to get laid," Beckett groused. She wasn't a prude by any stretch, but she drew the line at using a working convention as a hook up venue. She was having a hard enough time with the idea of sharing a bed with Castle while they were there as it was, even though Montgomery, Esposito, and Ryan already knew about her and Castle.

"I was hardly a saint during my book tours in the past, and that was working," Castle replied as he handed her a glass of Merlot.

"You really want to bring up your Playboy past to your girlfriend who just happens to be armed with her backup piece?" she arched a brow while taking a sip of the excellent wine.

"Consider the statement retracted," Castle said immediately. She may not shoot him, but she could inflict pain and ignore his safe word if his transgression was serious enough.

"We need to teach them the importance of sticking to your responsibilities," Beckett said, allowing him to get away with that one.

Castle got a wicked gleam in his eyes. "I know just the thing," he told her and then whispered in her ear, as if they were being listened in on, what his idea was. By the time he was finished she was practically laughing her ass off.

"Perfect," was all she said as she stood up and led him to the bedroom. His idea had inspired her, and she was going to show him some of her own creative side.

_A/N: Here's a second chapter. I wanted to make sure I had one more posting before Christmas, so here it is. I will definitely have another chapter within a day or so after Christmas. I hope you enjoyed this one. Gregg._


	3. Chapter 3

_Here' when the disaster begins for our two unlucky detectives. I hope you enjoy this one. Gregg;_

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

"What do you mean my room was given away?" Ryan exploded. He looked carefully around to make sure that Esposito wasn't in ear shot or poor little Kevin Ryan would be a dead man.

"As I explained, Detective, you failed to confirm the deposit when you booked online, and when you didn't respond to the e-mail we sent you to try and rectify the oversight we did not receive a response," the hotel manager explained calmly. "This morning another individual requested the room, and we acted accordingly."

"Are there any rooms available in hotels nearby?" Ryan looked sick.

"I'm afraid not, Detective," was the reply. "There are several conventions in town at the moment, and all hotels are booked solid."

"Then what am I supposed to do about a room?" Ryan asked.

The manager actually looked embarrassed. "There is one possibility," he started.

"We'll take it," Ryan jumped on it. At least they'd have a place to sleep.

"I can let you have this room, and it is small, for $200, however, as we did hold the suite for you most of the day yesterday, you are responsible for the quoted price of $800 for that as well," the Manager told him.

Ryan tried hard not to cry. No mini-Suite for the honeys, and now losing $400 apiece. Esposito was not going to be happy. "Alright," he grumbled, handing over Esposito's $400 and then his credit card. He wasn't going to ask his pal for another $100. The man was going to be pissed enough as it was. Looking across the lobby he saw Esposito talking to a rather gorgeous woman, who had the same folder that all the conference attendees had been given. He groaned.

"And here is your room card keys for you and your friend," the Manager said handing over the keys and the credit card plus receipt. "The bellboy will show you to your room."

"If you'll come this way, Sir," the bellhop said politely.

On the elevator Esposito was told of the problem. To put it mildly, he wasn't happy.

"No mini-suite?" he asked, a look of pain on his face. He'd already cast the first line and it looked like he'd landed a great one if the interest from the lady detective he'd been talking to in the lobby was any indication.

"And we had to pay for the mini-suite because they held it all day yesterday," Ryan admitted.

"_**WHAT!**_" Esposito roared loudly. "I lose 400 of my hard earned dollars because you couldn't take the time to open a damn e-mail? I swear, this backup room better be nice!"

They came up to the room, and the bellhop looked a bit sheepish when he slid the card key into the slot and opened the door. Ryan and Esposito walked in and stood stalk still.

"I am going to kill you, Bro," Esposito said as he took in the horrid sight.

The room was a damn closet! There was only one double bed. Not a full or queen, but a small double like a kid would have upon graduating from a twin bed! The damn thing took up most of the room. There was a tiny television and one simple chair with a writing table. A single bedside end table was what was left. A dinky closet with a curtain for a cover, and a small, almost microscopic bathroom with a short tub shower closed out the room.

"This is a room we keep for traveling workers the hotel contracts out who stay one night or less," the bellhop explained. He actually felt sorry for these guys. He left the card keys on the table and left right away. No way was he going to look for a tip from these two. They'd been seriously screwed in his opinion.

"We could be in the penthouse suite right now enjoying the damn hot tub," Esposito growled.

"You think Castle will let us back in on the deal?" Ryan wondered.

"We are not going to Castle and admit all this!" Esposito exploded. "I've had enough humiliation today just by even being in this room!"

"Well, I guess the bed will fit both of us," Ryan shrugged, not really liking this any more than Esposito was.

"Oh, Hell no," Esposito glared. "You get the damn tub! There's not even enough room in here to put a rollaway in!"

"The tub!" Ryan exclaimed.

"Suck it up, Mr. I Got A Honey Of A Deal!" Esposito said in a near shout as he glared fiercely, letting Ryan know he wasn't kidding. He looked around again hoping this was a bad dream, but it wasn't. Well, it looked like there would be no honeys on this trip. "Okay, let's go meet the others. And not a damn word about this! If anyone asks, the _**suite**_ is awesome!" He sneered when he said the word "suite".

Ryan followed him out glumly. One lousy e-mail and it could have all been avoided. How the Hell had he missed it? He always checked his e-mails!

The day wasn't so bad as the conference was interesting. The whole group enjoyed themselves in the various seminars, and even Esposito seemed to relax a bit as the day wore on. By late evening Castle invited them to drinks in the Penthouse Suite and the two unlucky guys accepted, not really wanting to head down to the cramped quarters that they had.

"I am really going to kill you, Man," Esposito said as he took in the sight of the interior of the Penthouse Suite. The place was a damn palace!

The floor looked like polished marble, and there were large, lush plants all over the place. In the massive living room the couches were plush and enveloping, while the entertainment center boasted anything a person could imagine for anything. The flat panel was a mind boggling 72 inches. There was a formal dining room, a full kitchen with all the best fixings. The two guys went to the sliding glass door and went out onto the rooftop balcony, which was huge. There was even a small, artificial putting green on the thing! Over to the side with a spectacular view of the city was a large hot tub that could easily accommodate ten people with room to spare.

"So, how's your suite, Guys?" Castle asked.

"Not as nice as this, but pretty good," Esposito managed to choke out. He barely managed to avoid glaring at and strangling Ryan.

"Good," Castle told them. "Oh, by the way. I set up a reservation for you two to get the full treatment at the Pleasure Garden. It's on me."

"Huh?" they looked at him a bit nonplussed. Pleasure Garden? What the Hell was that?

"The Pleasure Garden," Castle explained. "You'll be pampered and everything by beautiful scantily clad women for the whole evening tomorrow. I figure that the two of you deserve it."

"Does Beckett know about this?" Ryan asked, looking around to see if she was about.

Castle chuckled. "No," he assured them. "She'd probably make me a eunuch if she found out I know about places like that."

"Trust me, Bro, she has no illusions about what you know," Esposito said with a knowing look.

"What time's the appointment for?" Ryan asked eagerly.

"Tomorrow evening at eight," Castle told them handing over a slip of paper with the address.

"Now this is going to be fun!" Ryan smiled.

"What's going to be fun?" Beckett asked as she and Montgomery joined the group.

"Nothing," Esposito said quickly. "Ryan and me are going out tomorrow night."

"To find some _**honeys**_?" Beckett asked, rolling her eyes as she leaned into Castle comfortably.

"Well you've got your own snuggle bunny, so why can't we?" Ryan asked.

"I am not a snuggle bunny," Castle said, trying to maintain somewhat of a masculine image. Somehow snuggle bunny just didn't do it.

"Speak for yourself, _**Snuggles**_," Beckett smiled playfully. She knew she was acting a bit out of her normal character, but this was among friends and on their free time. She enjoyed the freedom of being involved with Castle, and she wasn't going to hide behind a false professionalism when off duty.

"That is way too much information, Beckett," Montgomery said, a hint of a smile on his face. He was glad that Kate was relaxed and in a positive relationship. After what had happened the previous summer, he'd been nervous about the potential fallout for her.

"Details later, _**Snuggles**_," Esposito solemnly told Castle. He was going to get as much mileage out of that one as he possibly could. Not too much, as Castle was providing him and Ryan a great night the next day, but he had to have some fun at the guy's expense, didn't he? Yeah. He did.

"How about we all enjoy the hot tub for a while?" Castle suggested, now desperate to get beyond the _**Snuggles**_ teasing. Naturally everyone agreed to the idea.

It was a little after midnight when the guys got back to their dinky little rat trap of a room. The great feeling and enjoyment all left the second they opened the door and looked at the room once again.

"Flip for the bed?" Ryan asked.

"No," Esposito said bluntly.

"Share the bed?" Ryan asked, almost pleading. He had no desire to sleep in the short tub.

"Hell no!" Esposito. "You get the tub!"

Twenty minutes later Esposito and Ryan were in their respective "beds" and each were thinking that this was definitely the Trip from Hell. They only hoped that the next evening, which Castle was treating them to, would make up for the nightmare that this had degenerated into. Ryan also hoped that his back would survive the tub experience.

_A/N: There is the Hell that the hotel has become and how they wound up in the "closet" of a room. The next chapter will be when they get to _**enjoy **_Castle's generosity, and we see how they wind up in the same bed. I hope you enjoyed this one. Gregg._


	4. Chapter 4

_I'm glad you're enjoying this one so far. This story may seem somewhat ooc, but I am going for the humor of this rather than a serious piece. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Castle got off the phone and grimaced. He looked up and saw Beckett and Montgomery looking at him.

"What's the matter?" Kate asked, very concerned as Castle rarely showed such a reaction.

"I just got a call from the Pleasure Garden," he told them. "They made a mistake and instead of a Geisha night with a fake Police raid as a joke, they had Esposito and Ryan listed under the Dominatrix treatment. Ball gags, bondage, S&M, the works."

Montgomery and Beckett looked at him in shock. They were in on the joke and while they wanted to get at the guys for all their "Honey" plans, they didn't want something like this to happen.

"Did they stop it in time?" Montgomery asked.

Castle grimaced again. "Uh, no," he answered. "It wasn't discovered until it was all over and the ball gags were removed. Needless to say, Esposito and Ryan weren't too happy."

"They're going to kill you," Beckett observed wryly.

"Probably not," Castle told them.

"I would," Montgomery decreed.

"Would you be willing to admit to a full body cavity search while ball gagged in a place called Pleasure Garden?" Castle asked.

Montgomery and Beckett paled and shuddered. "No," they both answered at the same time.

"We can check on them in the morning," Beckett told them. "I somehow don't think they're going to be too enthusiastic about company tonight."

"And whatever happens, Beckett and I were not involved, Castle," Montgomery said with a glare at Castle.

_**Esposito and Ryan's Room**_

The two unfortunate men dragged themselves into their small hovel of a room, gingerly walking along trying not to touch a damn thing with certain areas of their anatomy. They had walked all the way from that living Hell known as the Pleasure Garden.

"I will kill Castle," Esposito said, his throat raw from all the screaming he'd done with the ball gag in his mouth.

"Save some for me," Ryan added. He glanced at the bathroom where the tub was and shuddered. He was not looking forward to laying down in that short, hard surface for another night.

"I can't believe that that bastard would think we would want what happened to us!" Esposito said harshly.

"Is your ass as sore as mine is?" Ryan asked, gingerly trying to remove his shoes, the act of bending over quite painful at the moment.

"I'm going to need therapy for the rest of my life!" Esposito spat out. "And when I confess this my Priest is going to excommunicate me!"

"Why the Hell would you confess this?" Ryan asked, all of a sudden fearful that this nightmare would become public somehow.

"It'll keep me from committing murder on Castle!" Esposito told his friend. Ryan was not his best friend anymore as that would take some time to get to that level considering that the Honey Room had fallen through and Castle's _**generosity**_ was a result of that, even though Castle didn't know about the Honey Room debacle.

"Can I beat the Hell out of him, instead?" Ryan asked.

"I'll hold him down," Esposito nodded. Castle definitely had to pay for this one. He decided to take pity on Ryan. "You can share this pathetic excuse for a bed, but you damn sure better be facing the other way and if you snore I will beat you to death!"

"No problem," Ryan said, willing to agree to anything if it meant avoiding the bathtub.

_**The Next Morning**_

__"And that's how we wound up in the same bed," Ryan finished his explanation. He noticed that Esposito was dividing his glares between Castle and him, so at least all the spotlight wasn't trained on one unfortunate soul.

"And why are you guys in here?" Esposito demanded. This whole thing was beyond humiliating, and he was still pissed that his former best friend had been cuddled up behind him shoving his morning wood into his back.

"You weren't in the dining room like we had planned and when we had the desk phone your room, no one answered," Beckett explained.

"That's when we got your room number and a spare key card," Montgomery added.

"And found you and Cuddles curled up together dreaming happy happy thoughts," Castle concluded, a seriously amused grin on his face. He got as kick out of the evil glare that Ryan, aka Cuddles, shot him when he said that.

"What I don't understand is why you guys didn't just walk out of that place when it went south?" Beckett asked curiously.

Esposito and Ryan shared a look and then slumped.

"We didn't have a chance to object," Esposito said simply.

"Huh?" Montgomery said, confused. It didn't make any sense.

Esposito looked at Ryan and sighed. "Tell them," he told him.

_A/N: I kept this chapter short in order to make it a segue into the next one. The story may have a ratings change in the next chapter, though that hasn't been decided yet, and the ratings change would be more for the subject matter as opposed to any graphic material. Thanks for sticking with this story. Gregg._


End file.
